ich bin ein auslander

woke up a bit hazy at around 11:00am, after getting a pretty bizarre prank phone call urging us to get up. still not sure who the culprit was on that one. gave rob a call, but miyoko had already dragged him down to the boardwalk casino and he had already won another $500 and decided to walk away, so no gambling love there. or food love, as they had already ate. how they get up and function that early is beyond me…

so we called john and he was groggily up for breakfast… headed down to the buffet where the breakfast food had already been carted off and settled for a ton of turkey and various cheeses. yum. cheese. after that, we were on our own for awhile as they had various meet and greets and whatnot to deal with… so off to gamble! Headed back to the boardwalk where I racked up about $30 playing blackjack, then to New York New York to play the amazing video game i went on and on about the last time we were there. We kept feeding in quarters so we actually finished the game… then we played the basketball shooting game where I killed Wendy (rather amazingly, since I’ve never really played and she did in high school)… and some great crap food from their food court. ummmm… fish and chips.

time to head back to mandalay, so we can drop in for sound check… wendy decided to take a nap, so i headed down only to find out it was actually cancelled. headed back to the room, relaxed for a bit and found out it was being rescheduled but close enough to show time that everyone was just going to go over and hang out there. Got dressed and went on over to the venue… hung out for a bit and had dinner at the fantastic catering setup. great mongolian bbq, and a fantastic bananas foster for desert. kick ass…

alright, aparently we’re really leaving for dinner now so i’ll pick up from here later.

Here’s the quick rundown…

flew out of la to vegas friday morning… southwest, fully booked flight, but we were there early enough to be part of the first boarding group, so we got decent seats and the all-important overhead container space for our bags. Woot! I’m a big fan of not having to check luggage if at all possible. Flight was uneventful, except for the fairly lame older ladies who decided to wear surgical masks for the entire flight. I wanted to keep walking past them and coughing. Lamest of the lame - as soon as we’re off the plane - while still standing around the SAME group of people, and breathing their air and stink - they take the masks off! Now, wasn’t that pointless?

Grab a cab and off to the Four Seasons to check in… feeling all swanky until I realized it’s only limos and “executive charters” pulling in and the doorman gives our cab a withering glance. Fuck them. We ain’t rich, we just hang out with rich people.

So we check in and we’re on our way to the elevator when half the band spills down the hall, off to Ceaser’s Palace for gambling… needed to freshen up so we just grabbed the cell numbers for later hookups. Got into our room, put stuff away, relaxed for a few and got in touch with Rob and Miyoko… they were up for a quick drink (or three) and then a stumble around the local casinos. Wendy took us over to Excalibur for Krispy Kreme, then we headed across the street to the Tropicana to find Rob’s mythical gambling chicken. Apparently, it does exist - but it goes on tour and was in Reno at the moment. We settled for yard-long margaritas, and continued moving. We ended up at the Holiday Inn Boardwalk (the best place to gamble on the strip - just like being downtown!).. Miyoko promptly won $100 on slots while Rob and I frittered away at the Roulette table… I won $70 and Rob won $300. Guess which was the luckier couple on this trip?…

A few hands of blackjack later, and Wendy was down a bit… but nevertheless, it was time for some more drinks as we headed back to Mandalay Bay… John booked dinner at Lupo, where we met up with the whole crew for a nice Pucky italian dinner (and lots more drinks)… we then crossed the street and basically took over the Russian vodka bar there called Red Square. They’ve got over 100 vodkas available and we sampled damn near every one of them… we had intended to go back to the Boardwalk, or even downtown, but drinking had taken it’s toll and we wisely decided not to gamble that loaded. finally stumbled off to bed at some ungodly hour… best part of that night was the fact that no one left a credit card, the main guys went to bed a bit early, so we stuck Greg with the bill which he had to charge to his room. And hope that he gets reimbursed for it. heh. second best part was being mistaken for kato kaelin. should had done the autograph.

will do day two and three in a bit… off for some dinner!

Here’s the quick overview of my trip out with the goos last weekend…

caught a flight from LAX to Salt Lake City on Saturday… sat next to some really stinky guy, but it was a pretty quick flight, so no worries. Got into SLC right about 3pm; gave a quick call out to the tour manager to make sure they were at the Delta Center already; they were, so I caught a cab directly over there. Huge place, so I wandered around for a bit trying to find the back entrance where all the trucks would be parked… basically, I just nodded at the security guard and walked right in. Guess I looked the part enough… found the tour manager halfway down the ramp and got the holy all access laminate, and directions to the tour bus since there was no sound check that day and everyone was just hanging out.

Apparently my arrival was reason enough to start drinking, as I was greeted with a beer and a handshake… small talk, beers passed around, and we watched Mystery Science Theater 3000 on the satellite. Yes, the tour bus has a satellite dish, in addition to multiple DVD players, small screens in each bunk and the disco back room.

Much drinking ensued, along with the discovery that Rob had a pretty serious infection and the doctors were informing him he had to go to the hospital rather than play that night. I figured SLC and Phoenix near the end of the tour would have been a pretty low-key time to show up and hang out, and then this happens… after some pretty tense conversations, including calling the insurance company to sort out whether they could cancel the show or not, they decided to go ahead and do an abbreviated set with the bass tech playing the songs.. Rob was off to the hospital to get shot full of antibiotics, the tech was frantically trying to learn the songs while the rest of the band basically gave him a miserable time, trying on outfits for him to wear, telling him the wrong keys for songs, etc… it was pretty damn funny to watch.

Anyway, the show went off pretty well, and we had relatively good news from the hospital - he’d stay the night but most likely be good to go for Phoenix, which was two days off since they had a day off the next day. Since it was Salt Lake City, we pretty much just drank backstage rather than try to go find someplace… destroyed a few things, drew rather amusing (at least while drunk) portraits on the dry erase boards, and then headed off to the bus for the 12 hour drive to Phoenix…

..which meant more drinking. Everyone has iPods now, so rather than shuffling around CDs in the disco room of the bus, we just passed around the jack for the stereo and played iPod tracks to each other. The new radiohead was a big hit, and started off yet another download argument. Of course, now that they all have their own iPods the arguments aren’t quite as strong as they used to be.

At some point I passed out, and was woken up by a bottled water being thrown at me… it was 11 am and we were pulling into Phoenix. Wendy was set to meet us at the hotel, as there had been vague plans to drive out to Sedona or do other random things… didn’t end up working out, as tour attrition took its toll and people chose to sack out or read.

Wendy and I decided to go for it anyway, so we rented a car and did the 2 hour drive out to Sedona… walked around a bit, did the insane jeep tour where they drive you all over the rocks and canyons and bounce the shit out of you… then drove back into town for dinner.

Did dinner with the guys at Houstons, then stopped at a cool looking bar near the hotel… we were seated but they left the “reserved” cards on the table. I learned that they do this so if someone cooler than you shows up, they can kick you off the table. Pretty fucked up. They were removed pretty quickly, and the manager came over and started plying us with free drinks. Seems the more money you make, the less you need to spend it… we pretty much closed the place down, with the manager even offering to keep it open after hours for us… I think we disappointed him a few times… they were trying to run an ultra-cool lounge, with lots of electronica and bizarre german krautrock music, which I chatted with him about… but when he turned over the controls to us, we ended up putting in Earth, Wind and Fire…

So that ended that night. Up a little late the next day, but nothing a cup or five of coffee couldn’t handle. Went across the street to some mall for a nice lunch with a few of the guys, then back to the room to make the wonderfully late check out time the hotel gave us. 3pm. It’s good to be the king. Grabbed a shower, relaxed and packed up, then checked out and dragged all of our crap back onto the bus and drove over to the America West Center. Seems like all the large sports arenas are named after airlines now.

So we’re there around 3:30 or so… nothing really to do until stage time, which is 7:30. But guess what is right next door to the dressing room? A full-size practice court used by the Phoenix Suns before games. And it’s got a nice stereo system.. so in go a few CDs, out come the cameras, and a little exercise…

had some dinner at catering, which was pretty great, then a quick beer before the show began. I watched from the side of the stage, while Wendy ran around and took some great shots. Rob had flown down from SLC that afternoon so he made it to the Phoenix show and played…

After the show, more hanging out and drinking backstage. Some of the guys had some family and friends in Phoenix, so a little party backstage rather than the empty room like in SLC… went out to watch a few minutes of the Jovi but it was all too much for me. Backstage for a few drinks and a few minutes of CNN as we were taking over Baghdad..

then back to the bus to drive back to LA… even Wendy joined in the drinking this time, as we literally drank from Phoenix to LA, pulling in at 5 in the morning… grabbed a cab from their drop off point out in Universal City, and was home and in bed by 5am, Tuesday morning. A hell of a lot of fun.

Not two days after getting back from Upstate NY for Christmas with wendy’s family, then a stopover in Chicago for New Years with Jason D and the Goos at the House of Blues, we’re off to San Diego with Rob to catch a friend’s band (called Product) play… and then we hit Tiajuana at midnight for a night of binge drinking, ending up with us at a strip-club in the bottom of a hotel called Cesaers at around 4 in the morning (which invented the salad, apparently) where we ended up crashing.

I really, really need a few normal days, some decent sleep, and a spot of exercise.

Last weekend’s highlights in full.. we were up bright and early Friday morning and made our way down to Manhattan Beach where the rock and roll express was due to leave at 10am… traveling in style, the manager (Scott) had a nice Acura SUV with an amazing air conditioner, which proved to be particularly useful. I’m not sure it ever dipped below 100 once we passed Baker.

Anyway, off we went. Much to my dismay, we started the trip with a fine medley of Old Van Halen (Aerobics with the Devil) and Journey. Never got much better than that, but to be honest, I quickly discovered that techno and my favorite mope rock bands, while wonderul individual listening, do not party t00ns make. So, with a mixture of 60’s rock, funk, and schlocky 80s tunes, we made our way through the desert. Wendy convinced everyone to stop at Calico, the “ghost town” off the 15… it was 120 degrees outside, but the Japanese tourists didn’t seem to mind. Neither did we, but I think that might have had more to do with the herbal supplements being consumed.

Back on the road, Wendy attempted to get all the truck drivers to honk. Success more than once… typical road shenanigans, mostly at Wendy’s expense, as she was the only female. Pulling the car around to the other side of the gas station while she was making a pit stop, etc., etc… a quick stop for In and Out in god knows where, but at least there was an In and Out… hit quite a bit of traffic and saw: a completely burned down truck; a pulled over SUV with two girls behind the wheel and their boyfriends, handcuffed, on the side of the road; a guy being carried on a stretched to an ambulance, his car having gone more than 50 feet off the road and slammed into a chain link fence.

Finally pulled into Vegas late afternoon… didn’t even hit the strip as we were a bit late, straight to the Hard Rock. Found the band, wandered around the venue, headed up to the dressing rooms for the first beer… then off to gamble for awhile. Wendy and I have a history of NEVER winning at the Hard Rock, and we kept the string going. Grabbed a quick dinner at some shite restaurant there, then back up to the dressing room.

Rock and Roll Lifestyle Myths debunked: in a nut shell, here’s what happens on tour. Band wakes up and finishes driving to the new city. Arrive at venue, do soundcheck. Do a few interviews - either in person, or over the phone. Ass around in a shitty dressing room. Eat some crap cold cuts. Maybe get a greasy dinner in a restaurant. Sleep on dressing room couches. Play gig, talk to girls for approximately 20 minutes, go back to dressing room and wait until gear is loaded. Get back on van, drive to new city. Lather, rinse, repeat. ROCK AND ROLL!!!!!

They played a pretty good gig that night, the crowd seemed into it, and even had a nice little mosh pit going for about 20 seconds before security swooped in. Never seen security presence like that ANYWHERE… guess they’re concerned about losing gambling revenues to a lawsuit.

Show’s over, back up to the dressing room for the post-gig beer, then back out to the tables to lose the last of the gambling funds. About an hour later, gear loaded, time to move on the Phoenix. Scott wanted a little time alone with the band for official “wisdom impartation” sessions, so Wendy, Sareb and I headed for the tour van for a lovely drive with the crew. Pretty sweet setup - DVD, Xbox, etc, all set up on headphones so you don’t bug other people, good amount of space for stretching out. Nice drive, saw the Hoover Dam and fuck all else since there’s nothing out there but cacti.

Pulled into a Comfort Inn at about 3 in the morning in some godforsaken pimple of a town, but at that point, any clean bed in an air conditioned room (95 degrees at 3am) would do. Gave the poor night manager the worst night of her life, as 9 somewhat intoxicated and very tired people wanted to get checked in with all speed. 30 minutes, 2 computer reboots and much exasperated sighing later, mission accomplished. “You fellas in a band or something?” “Yes.” “Maybe my daughter has heard of you.” “Maybe. Can we get our keys please?”

Back up at 8am, and back on the road… we’re still in the tour van, and the crew decides they’re hungry. Being a typical road crew, they opt for a Dennys in an even smaller pimple of a town, just about an hour out of Phoenix, where real food exists. There’s a fly hatchery on the table next to us, and no one in this town has apparently ever seen people wearing nearly all black, piercings, and shaved heads or colored hair. We get quite a lot of stares, and not in a good way. Rubbery chicken sandwich in gut, back on the van… not twenty minutes later, we passed the fast food mecca of Sun City and my stomach complained bitterly.

On to Phoenix and a radio station show… two acoustic songs in a bar with a bunch of contest winners, all of it broadcast. The DJ got the name of the band wrong, but they did a great job, even acoustic. Scott got to talking with some local guys, and we learned all about life in Phoenix… he gave them a few passes for the show later on that evening, bought them a few beers… always fun to meet the locals.

Phoenix impressions: damn, it’s fucking hot. This the strip mall capital of the world. damn, it’s fucking hot. Scottsdale is quite nice - there’s a few blocks where it’s pretty much all just bars. People stumble from one to the other, and that’s about the extent of it. Damn, it’s fucking hot. Every single girl is blonde and tan, and every single guy has short hair, wears a baseball cap, baggy shorts and a t-shirt. Due to the homogeny, the males tend to protect their female aquisitions with a particular vengence - hands are always held quite tightly when walking past other groups of capped males. I felt like doing a sociological study of this strange tribe…

Anyway, off to the venue, “Nita’s Hideaway.” Basically, it’s a grungy little bar, with some character. It’s also sandwiched between a porno shop and a junkyard. Still, it was pretty cool. If there’s anything Phoenix isn’t lacking in, it’s space - there’s a huge parking lot behind the bar, and that’s where bands play. They setup a big outdoor stage, wheel out trashcans full of ice and beer, and go to town. Really quite cool - I wish we had a place like that here. Sat around the bar for a few hours, ran out to try and find a restaurant - not successful, as we still hadn’t sorted out the whole “good things are in stripmalls” aspect of Phoenix and kept looking for a big, stand alone restaurant… then back to the venue for naps on the couch. No dressing room here, so we were still lounging on the couches when they let people in.

Anyway, they played a fantastic show - it was a three band tour, with Audiovent playing the second slot. Both other bands were a bit droning and mopey, so they always got a great response as they rocked out and ran all over the stage… a much more lively show than either of the other bands put on. Watched the show from the side of the stage… the front rows were filled with baseball-capped boys doing the devil horns and heaving Phoenix busoms. The band looked pleased.

We met some more interesting folk - Wendy got on with this slightly fried hippie hairdresser (originally from Canada - we always seem to meet Canadians) and her husband, who watched stoically and with good humor as his wife continually smashed her breasts into whoever she was talking to… Scott’s new Phoenix buddies showed up and proceeded to put on an unprecedented - and unrivaled - show of excess drinking… and then we snuck out as soon as the band was done, got back in the SUV and did the ridiculously long drive back to LA… arrived back at 4am, crashed into bed and let the alcohol seep out of the pores.

Oh yeah, the band’s Audiovent… they’re playing the House of Blues in OC and LA this week, so go check them out.